Jillian Michaels Stole My Shoes. Again.

As I’ve mentioned before, I used to work on the set of a reality show that we will refer to as The Smallest Winner.  The job had its perks, including having access to a world-class private gym with state-of the-art equipment and beautiful mountains and trails as its backdrop.  One particular day we wrapped early (that’s Hollywood lingo for “finished filming”), so I decided I’d get in a workout – only to discover that I had forgotten my shoes. Not to worry though, we have a wardrobe department and get sent sample shoes all the time. They have an entire room dedicated to shoes for the on-camera trainers. Seriously.

I skipped over to wardrobe and it turns out that I am a bit bigger than the typical sample size (7), but I was in luck!  MONTHS ago they were sent one size 8 pair of Nikes.  They aren’t Jillian Michael’s size, so they’ve just been sitting there.  For MONTHS.  “Let me just text Jillian real quick to make sure it’s okay if I give them to you.  Technically they are for her, but they don’t even fit her so I’m sure she won’t mind. You can even keep them.”  Bonus!!

My happy dance was quickly over as the reply text came back from JM.  “I want them.”  No explaination, no inquiry about the color, not even a suggestion that she might be giving them to a friend or donating them to a shoeless country.  Just simply, “I want them.”  Remember – an ENTIRE room of shoes at her disposal.  Jillian Michaels stole my shoes that day.  And my workout.

Fast forward to last night.  I headed to the gym after work for a much-needed treadmill workout with my girls. They are training for the Westport St. Patty’s Day 4 miler, and I wanted to be there to cheer them on. Upon arriving in the locker room, I unzipped my bag and realized….no shoes!!  So what’s a girl to do but raid wardrobe the Lost and Found.

I know. “Gross” is what you are thinking. But desperate times call for desperate measures and there ain’t nothin’ a little Lysol can’t kill. There were two pairs of shoes to choose from.  A pair of cowboy boots and a pair of mens size 11 Pumas.  I contemplated both, leaning more toward the cowboy boots because the visual had a lot of potential, but in the end decided to call it a night.  I said goodbye to my friends with my pouty bottom lip out, and headed home to Jillian Michaels.

If you’ve never worked out with Jillian, let me tell you something.  This chica, despite her questionable diet pills, obnoxiously bad acting in Go Daddy commercials, and ridiculous collection of knee length sweat pants, is NO JOKE.

I have several of her DVD’s and choose the 30 Day Shred Level 3 for tonight’s beating workout.  Each level contains a 20-minute workout based on Jillian’s “exclusive 3-2-1 Strength/Cardio/Ab training circuit”: 3 minutes of strength, 2 minutes of cardio, and 1 minute of ab work. There’s also a brief warm-up session and a cool down stretch.

For those of you that are thinking, “20 minutes? Puh-lease! My morning poop takes longer than that!” let me say that first of all, I hope your morning poop happens at home and not at work. You know who you are….Second of all, these 20 minutes consist of non-stop circuits that burn mega calories and build strong, lean muscle while leaving you breathless and weak.  Plus, Jillian yells at motivates you the entire time to “stop phoning it in” and “remember why you bought these DVD’s in the first place”.  To which I usually scream “I didn’t BUY these DVD’s, they were FREE!!” but continue to push harder because I’m pretty sure she can see me through the TV.  Man, she’s good.

Here are a few moves from tonight’s workout that left me BURNING both with hatred for Ms. Michaels and maxed out muscles.

PLANK ROWS WITH LEG RAISES

Start in the plank position, with a weight in each hand.  Row with the right arm, squeezing the shoulder blade.Then raise the right leg as high as you can without bending the knee.  No cheating!Switch and continue for 1 minute.  Great total body workout: abs, back, arms, legs are engaged! Love it!

SUMO SQUAT HOPS

Start in a plie pose or sumo squat, with your toes pointed out, lowered halfway down. Keep your arms in front of you and contracted throughout the entire move.Then you basically just “pop” or “hop” up and down.  You don’t have to get very high, just keep the motion fluid and the knees loose. You should land lightly – this should be a springy hop, not heavy.Continue for 30 seconds. Your quads will, literally, feel like this guy: (I have absolutely no idea what is happening in this photo, but it doesn’t look promising)

So basically take those moves and times them by 6, add a bunch of make-you-want-to-cry cardio and make-you-want-to-puke ab moves and that’s the 30 Day Shred! The great thing about this workout is you are constantly moving and mixing cardio with resistance training.  There are 3 levels, so you can progressively get better. And there is a modified version to every move, in case you are injured or a beginner.

I’ve never done the 30 Day Shred program – I just use the circuit workout when I need a quick but tough sweat session.  But I have a feeling that if I did this workout 30 days in a row, I would see some serious results.  OR break the TV when I throw my dumbbell at Jillian’s dome.

Sidebar: When I arrived home, my shoes were perfectly placed by the back door.  I’m pretty sure I didn’t leave them there so I can only assume that Jillian Michaels has struck again.  Like I said, she’s good.

What is your favorite at-home workout DVD / program?  

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