You Nasty! Check Your Gym Etiquette

One of my favorite stand-up jokes (I cannot for the life of me remember the comedian.  If it’s you, lemme know so I can give ya props!) goes a little something like this:

“Don’t you hate it when you touch your face with your hand and think ‘Mmm, that BBQ sauce smells good.’  Then you lick your finger and think ‘Mmm, that BBQ sauce IS good.’  And then you realize ‘Wait a minute…I haven’t had BBQ sauce today.'”

Gross.  And yes – that happened to me last night.

I was in Total Body Conditioning at Midtown Athletic Club (holla!) gettin’ my sweat on. Midway through jump squats, I wiped my Bieber bangs aside and thought “Ewww. My hand smells like cigarette smoke.  I should have washed my hands before I came to class.  Wait a minute…I don’t smoke!”

Which leads me to a little segment I like to call: YOU NASTY!

If you smoke cigarettes on the way to the gym (…what?), then use dumbbells without washing your hands: YOU NASTY!

Image: The Glove Slap

If you sweat so much in spin class that you can do the backstroke in the pool that’s formed  on the floor yet DON’T wipe down your bike for the next sorry sap: YOU NASTY!

If you do naked push-ups in the locker room: YOU NASTY! (True Story.)

If I can tell that you aren’t wearing underwear beneath your Lycra capris: YOU NASTY!

If you don’t clean your hair doll out of the COMMUNAL shower drain: YOU NASTY!

If you get up from the weight bench and a damp outline of your body is still visible and you walk away: YOU NASTY! - I wish people would thank me for wiping my sweat off machines at the gymPin It
If you leave your stanky white towel on the floor, treadmill, counter, bench, weight machine, bike and or shower floor: YOU NASTY! If I can smell your body odor from more than 2 feet away and you do not have a hereditary glandular condition: YOU NASTY! - Thanks for keeping me awake with your body odorPin It

If you are sitting in the sauna, steam room or hot tub and there is not cotton, spandex, polyester or a combination thereof between your caboose and whatever you are sitting on: YOU NASTY!

If I have to spend my entire workout PRAYING that your junk doesn’t fall out of your shortie shorts: YOU NASTY!

Image: Columbia Pictures

Now you may be thinking “Megan, that’s a little harsh.”  You know what’s harsh? You giving me MRSA (pronounced Mersa) or any other type of bacterial infection.   When my body starts to “pus fluids from the site” or my kidneys start to fail, I’m comin’ after you.

People, there is an unwritten (until now) gymnasium etiquette that you need to abide by.  It’s isn’t complicated.  I’ll actually sum it up for you – the gym isn’t your personal space.  You are not free to leave your stuff around or make a mess and expect someone else to clean up after you.  You are not free to exercise half naked, or in some unfortunate cases, naked.  For that matter, you shouldn’t really be naked at all unless you are in the shower or in between outfits.  I don’t care if you are an ab model – no one is comfortable with you blow drying your hair naked.  This is America, not Europe.  We are judgmental, afraid of and uncomfortable with the human body.

Image: Body Building

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So let’s all do one another a solid and respect our fellow gym mates.  Maybe that means waiting to inhale your cancer sticks on the way home from the gym, investing in some pants with more material or walking a few extra steps to grab a paper towel and wipe down your elliptical.  In the end, I think we will all be better off.  After all, pus isn’t sexy on anyone.  Even this guy.

Who’s With Me?! What is your biggest gym-related pet peeve?